CATALYST NEWS

Eva Dahm, CPCC, MA

January, 2003

Dedicated to your growth and exploration.

Wondering: Our bodies change with every breath, so why do we fear change?

CAN PEOPLE CHANGE?

I imagine you've heard the old adage that people don't change. In fact, I always heard we just get more like ourselves as we age. This directly conflicts with many ancient mystics and modern philosophers like Gary Zukav who suggest that life is a series of lessons presented so we will learn and change.

So what do you believe? Do you know? Your belief is definitely impacting the ways you interact with the world and in your relationships.

One way I measure someone's ability to change is whether he or she asks himself or herself, "What's the lesson here?" at the end of an experience. When you believe that situations and experiences lead to lessons, you ask this question and you look for insights. This question insures that you are at least looking for new information and looking to change.

This is the time of year when many of us make the infamous New Years Resolutions to change a bad habit or condition in our lives. Unfortunately, many of these resolutions never make it past the good intention. I believe this is because the groundwork wasn't laid before the change began. How have you tried to change in the past? How have you actually changed habits?

GROUNDWORK FOR CHANGE

Can you see it? The first key is being able to imagine yourself AFTER the change has been accomplished. If you cannot see yourself as a stronger, more fit person, you will never be able to begin and continue the exercise to get yourself there. If you cannot see yourself as a non-smoker, it will not happen. So begin to visualize the new you in detail. See the change in your imagination. (This will also bring up your awareness of the gains and losses in this change and give you time to grieve the losses.)

Could a visual clue assist you to imagine the new you or remind you of the commitment? How about an old picture of a slimmer you to see regularly on the wall? How about a symbol of what you can do when you no longer smoke-maybe hiking or playing with young people?

Your perspective on the change may also be a roadblock. Some of my clients are not comfortable doing things for themselves. These are the wonderful folks who easily sacrifice when it comes to caring for another, but don't seem to find the time for themselves. Eating right or getting some time for refreshing activity are gifts to others and not selfish at all. How can you see your self-care differently so you make time for YOU? A change in perspective is needed.

A good plan is essential with a support system and people to reach out to when you fall off the wagon. You may want to build in rewards for yourself. A client who stopped smoking decided to buy a magazine one week, paint her nails another week, and go out for coffee another time. Small things, for sure, but it was a celebration of her progress and dedication.

For years I knew I wanted to meditate daily. I would do a couple of sessions one week and then fall out of the habit. Off and on and off and on. Then I took a course where the promise I made to the other classmates and my teacher included a commitment to mediate daily. Suddenly the external support and accountability was there. I began the practice and have been doing it regularly for months.

Who could support you? To whom can you be accountable? A coach is a great neutral person to support you in such a change and to gently hold your accountability.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

Another place to look for motivation to change is your individual values. What do you hold as important in your life? (Freedom, Integrity, Play time, Lifelong Learning?) How can that value be lived more fully if you change your daily habit? I had one client who realized that her value of discipline would be realized in a greater way when she committed regularly to an exercise program and healthy eating plan. To her, these daily habits are living her value, more fulfilling rather than simply changing a habit. There is more at stake.

Another client was seeking a motivation for regular exercise. She decided that using a photo of her husband as a baby would keep her focused on getting into shape to hopefully have a child of their own.

I tried for years to be more disciplined about eating sweets. It would work for awhile and then I'd fall back into old habits. Then I received a report of a cholesterol number that was as far above 200 as I hope to ever see. This did not match my view of myself as a healthy individual who took care of her body. I immediately stopped sweets and many white carbohydrates (potatoes, white bread, pasta, and rice). It was immediate because the facts did not fit my view of me. It worked, too, I was able to be very disciplined about this change.

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS

Another place to look when you want to make changes is your own mind. What are your words to you in your mind about the area of concern or issue? Are you eating incessantly (or smoking or talking or working) and then feeling guilty about your choices and the results? Are the things you say to yourself in your head meaner than you'd say to any other living being?

Many people believe that our thoughts produce our world. So be watchful of your thoughts. Be as gentle with yourself as you would with a small child or a favorite pet. You deserve the same love you give to others, even when your habits don't live up to your own ideal.

You can start to make a change in your thoughts. Begin thinking differently and the groundwork is laid to act differently.

A David Schumacher says, "So, if there are things in your life with which you are unhappy, the solution, very simply and bluntly stated, is to change your thoughts. You are not a puppet on a string; you have freedom of choice and free will, so recognize this and use it to your advantage, not to your disadvantage. Mind becomes matter; it manifests itself as things in your life and as conditions in your body…"

On the other hand, what do you notice in others? Their dedication, service to others, discipline, love of others, courage, passion are possibilities. You see these characteristics because you have these characteristics. Schumacher adds, "You can only see in the world that which is happening in you. So, when you salute a characteristic, a quality, or a possibility in someone else, it is because it has found a response in you-a point of identification. Therefore you can give yourself and the other person credit for having a new understanding.

FEAR OF FAILURE

One final roadblock to change is fear of failure. The old adage comes to mind: If toddlers feared failure, they'd never learn to walk. As adults we get upset at the prospect of failure. And in reality each mistake provides another lesson getting us closer to our goal. So failures are to be welcomed. And the interesting thing about the research on change is that it points out how absolutely normal it is for individuals to make several attempts at a change before they are successful. Now that you know it is normal to fail a few times, what would you like to try today or plan for the future?

SUMMARY

1. Visualize yourself after the change. Use an image as a daily reminder of the new you.
2. Make a plan and gather a support system.
3. Examine your perspective on the change.
4. Connect the change to a higher value.
5. Be aware of your thoughts and discouraging self-talk.
6. Notice the changes you'd recommend for others.
7. Move ahead despite any fear of failure (or success).

During my life I always found myself in contact with others during changes in their lives. That's why I declared myself a coach. If you'd like a new perspective, support, accountability, or a swift kick (with love), give me a call to schedule a sample coaching.

Changing for Good, Prochaska, Norcross, Diclemente, 1994.

Keys to the Kingdom, Five Fundamentals of Truth, "Mind Power" by David L. Schumacher.