CATALYST NEWS

Eva Dahm, CPCC, MA

September, 2002

Dedicated to your growth and exploration

WONDERING: Seems backwards to me…when we are children we have tons of energy and time with not many tasks to do and as adults we have tons of tasks with much less energy and time?

TWO KINDS OF MIRRORS

What do you think of mirrors? Use them but don't think about them, right?

In a book I was reading one of the characters said she never really looked at herself-looked herself in the eyes. She said she'd brush her teeth and do her makeup and never see herself. I do exactly that-notice a bad hair day but not me. Have you looked at the depth of character in your eyes?

This book's character was ashamed of something in her past. She was actually avoiding herself by not looking. I know I not only judge myself more harshly than others, but I also don't forgive myself as easily.

Let's give ourselves a forgiveness break today. Just take a moment and look at the beautiful soul staring back at you from the mirror. You will see a wonderful human being. You may want to look into your eyes more often.

"MIRRORS" SHOW SHADOW SELVES, TOO

Another type of "mirror" is other people in our lives and our reactions to them. This "mirror" shows us our less admirable, less easily recognized traits or our shadow side.

Don't worry, these shadow traits aren't deep psychological problems for most of us. They are simply behaviors that served us once and may not be serving us now or behaviors we once had that we have hidden away and not used for years.

Have you ever known someone who set your teeth on edge? You could hardly stand being around them because they were irresponsible or thoughtless or some other trait you can't tolerate. Does a friend or family member have a trait that you cannot endure?

Whether you appreciate it or not, this person has great lessons for you. They are mirroring for you a trait or tendency you have in some way and to some degree. The tricky part of figuring out the meaning for yourself.

I first was exposed to this idea in the early 80's in a class. A fellow classmate said, "If I hate an alcoholic, it's not about me, is it? I'm not an alcoholic."

The instructor said the real lesson was for her to reflect on and determine the connection. It might be about a different addiction or being powerless to change something in her life. So her lesson was related to the person who was her "mirror" but not exactly the behavior they displayed that initially "hooked" or irritated her.

The relationship may be more complex. I personally cannot stand thoughtlessness. I think it relates first to may life goal of being a thoughtful person in the world and respecting all other living beings. It also probably relates to my not forgiving myself for times when I was not so nice to others.

If you have felt extreme dislike or even slight irritation with another (and who hasn't at one time or another), here are some helpful suggestions.

STEPS FOR LEARNING FROM OUR REACTIONS

· Notice and observe when you are perturbed about someone's behavior.
· Retire and take some time alone as soon as you can.
· Reflect on the other person and their behavior from a perspective of the lesson for YOU (not worrying in your head over their actions and how messed up they are).
· Ask what might be the interpretations of their behavior and the core lesson for you.
· Be gentle with yourself-not judging or condemning.
· Be thankful for the lesson and the person who provided it for you.
· Be cautious if several individuals appear who offer a similar lesson. It's really time to slow down and journal or talk to a friend or a professional to assist your learning.

GOOD NEWS

When you understand the lesson, you can stop the pattern, work on the actions that are no longer serving you, and add new behaviors to your repertoire. And congratulate yourself for good noticing and awareness.

If you are interested in a conversation about this newsletter or anything in your life you'd like more of (or less of), call me to schedule an appointment.

Love and light, eva