CATALYST NEWS

Eva Dahm, CPCC, MA

December, 2003

Dedicated to your growth and exploration

HOLIDAY MEMORIES

No matter your age, you probably have some holiday memories that you recall this time of year. Holidays are a way we mark time, track the changes through the years and measure our time together.

KIDS

We recall the year we got a new bike or a video game as a child. As Christians, we remember when we learned that Santa Claus wasn't real. A neighbor boy told me, and I wasn't good at keeping secrets, so soon my sister knew. I remember many tears were shed. Now we wonder aloud, what is the "best age" to tell our children or grandchildren the same unfortunate truth.

We may recall time spend in church or religious services. I remember the year I was the narrator of the church pageant. It was a wonderful experience for me. Music is another way I connect with past years. Hymns and carols are reminders of past holidays.

What's your best childhood holiday memory? Are the recollections happy ones or not? It is interesting to reminisce about our young years.

MATURE RELATIVES

I miss my grandparent's generation in my holidays now. We recently gathered for Thanksgiving and no one from that generation was present. We didn't know if you pass dishes to the left or the right!

But mostly I miss the nurturing and loving feeling of being with an extended family of several generations. Although, sometimes we don't listen, mature relatives can share a different perspective on our lives and challenges from their own experiences.

Who sat around the table when you were young? Who is missing now? Take a moment to honor them with a memory.

SAD HOLIDAYS

Other holiday memories are more painful and sad than cheery. We have this TV image of happy holidays filled with smiles. The reality is not all years or holidays are happy ones. I recall the holidays after my divorce many years ago as totally gut wrenching. I endured it with a stoic countenance. Many tears were cried that year. I now look back and realize how little compassion I had for myself then.

First holidays after the death of loved ones are particularly difficult. Being gentle and doing only what you really have energy to do are good suggestions.

Sandy Goodman suggests the following:

"Believe that your loved ones are with you. Include them in your celebrations and in your sadness. Include them when you talk with others about old times and holidays past.
Talk to Them. They hear your thoughts…and if you listen, you can hear their replies.
Light candles.
Do good things in celebration of your loved one's life.
Invite newly bereaved friends or neighbors to reminisce with you. Cry with them, listen to them, share your journey.
Give to an organization that your loved one supported.
Make a memory tree. Buy a small tree and decorate it with tokens of his or her life.
Don't worry about what others will think. You are solely in charge of this journey. It's all yours."

TRADITIONS

We measure time by repeating patterns, rituals-our traditions. However, perhaps the best timekeeper is when the traditions change. Reflecting the fact that life is constantly changing, new traditions breathe life into holidays.

Four years ago out of necessity we had our big dinner on Christmas Eve. We created a wonderful relaxing Christmas by doing the kitchen work the day before. Now we routinely follow this new tradition. The kitchen workers can now truly relax on December 25.

This year my uncle got a "turkey in a box" for Thanksgiving. What a wonderful new, tasty tradition was born. (The green bean casserole was the best I've had.)

Stop and reflect: What tradition can "morph" this year? What can you release?

HOLIDAY JOY

How do you feel when you're joyful? Do you know? I wanted more joy in my life a few months ago. I realized I didn't know what joy felt like. My joy feels like a quiet, deep, warm sensation around my heart. It's not fireworks or screams. Now I realize how often I feel joy and I am building on this feeling.

What does joy feel like for you?

HOLIDAY THERAPY

I gave my Mom a copy of a book called "Christmas Therapy." Basically, the book encourages us to discover the childlike pleasures of the holidays and to leave behind the arduous tasks and SHOULDS.

This year examine every assumption. Then re-examine. Are you doing something out of obligation? If so, want to reconsider?

Have a blessed, safe, joyous holiday season. And a wonderful NEW year.

Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love, Sandy Goodman, 2002.